He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
