Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
