I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
