It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
