Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
how drunk are you?
Several
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
