My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
