i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
