The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
