well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
