I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
