youre lurking in front of me
Please, let me fuck your mom
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
How does one acquire holy water?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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