Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
