I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm really busy with my period
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