You smell like stripper and shame
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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