There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
