she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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