Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Drunk is a universal language darling
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
