Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so explain again why im purple
no
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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