hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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