That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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