Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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