I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
