This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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