in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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