Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
