Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
