this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
