Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
