Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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