youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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