she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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