do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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