turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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