If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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