I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
