you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you had me at cake vodka
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
