I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
