): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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