32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
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every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
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Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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