True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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