Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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