remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
