i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
