no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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