I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
