I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
