I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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