There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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