my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
