I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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