I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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