the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
