you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Small penises have feelings too.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
