I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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