K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
