I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
