there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
