How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
