Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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