can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
