Christians are straight up FREAKS
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
