At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
