Will you blow on my dice?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
