I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
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