you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
