Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
