Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
