I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
