party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
