i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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