I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
