Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize