It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
