Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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