I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
