Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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