Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
