I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
