How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
