the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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