Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
