Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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