I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
