i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
